![]() ![]() I will even forgive his atrocious high-note faces, which are just this side of “John Mayer guitar solo.” I love him, they love him, you love him hello, top ten. (Ryan Seacrest: Distinction!) When Travis says he’s going to play some Allen Stone, I know I’m going to love it, but ooh-wee, folks. Trent Harmon lives on a farm where there’s a restaurant, which Ryan says sounds appealing because he enjoys farm-to-table dining. (Or maybe chicken day-care is prohibitively expensive, what the hell do I know?) Her version of “Cowboy Casanova” does nothing for me or the judges they tell her to wait a couple more years and then try again, presumably on some other show because this is Idol’s FAREWELL SEASON. ![]() Sixteen-year-old Maddie McAllister has to show you that she’s all down-home and shit, because this is Li’l Rock, so of course she brings a chicken along with her. When we come back from a commercial break, Kris Allen duets with a pretty young southern boy in a men’s room, and a dozen gay-porn producers get a wonderful idea. It works, of course, because this is American Idol. ![]() We already have Mariah Carey and that lady from the Volvo commercials we’re good on runs. But should she sing so many runs? No, she should not. She sings Radiohead’s “Creep” and turns it into an American Idol audition version of Radiohead’s “Creep.” She sings a lot of runs. La’Porsha Renae has a legendary Afro and a seven-month-old daughter whom she is wise enough to bring along and ask J.Lo to hold. As in: “I used to watch American Idol whenever I was growing up.” Oh, is that so? Every time you grew up, you watched American Idol? Can you hear yourself, Little Rock? Also, a lot of them do a thing I’ve been noticing in the American South where the word whenever stands in for when. Everybody’s sloppin’ the hogs or workin’ the thresher or goin’ down to the general store to get Aunt Gert a whole mess o’ gingham. Pretty much everyone in Little Rock has some kind of farm story. Harry talks at length about how pretty Dalton is, a sentiment with which I don’t fully agree, but at least it’s not Simon and Ryan calling each other gay for 45 minutes, the way this show used to be. Austin? C-Snizz? The Apostle Paul? (I’m not super familiar with 5 Seconds of Summer.) He does “The Phantom of the Opera,” which holds up to a Sheeranizing better than you might think. But you know what? Not my problem.ĭalton Rapattoni looks like one of the guys from 5 Seconds of Summer, but I’m not sure which one. I feel like the American Idol experience is going to permanently damage a guy this desperate to please, and the experience will be even worse for his family and immediate group of friends. Daniel bowls you all the hell over with Big Personality, and I sort of hate him right away, but guess what? He goes with D’Angelo’s “Untitled,” and this big, goofy asshole can sing. I apologize for whatever Saves the Day YouTube rabbit hole I’ve just sent you down.ĭaniel Farmer is the kind of person who says, “I’m so crazy.” People who say “I’m so crazy” tend to be a very different, much-less-fun kind of crazy than they are constantly boasting about being. He does an Ed Sheeran song (Or all of the Ed Sheeran songs? Who can even tell) in the acoustic emo style of Dashboard Confessional and Something Corporate, and gets yes-votes all around. ![]() (Cameron is just pronounced like “Cameron,” though you do want to lay into it, like that Cajun guy on the Ruffles commercial used to say “onion.”) He was born with a cleft palate and wasn’t supposed to be able to speak, much less sing, so of course he has some kind of angel voice. Kris helps us out with the auditions in Little Rock, where we meet young Cameron Richard, which is pronounced Ree-shard, because he is from Louisiana. You know what helps? Kris Allen in a baseball henley. And sometimes the sweet embrace of death. These episodes have truly beautiful moments, but overall, they’re padded out with montages and attempts at comedy, and by the end of them, I tend to crave silence. Hours three and four of an audition process that already feels endless. ![]()
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Details
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |